Imagine This: You’ve been looking for a new job for over a year. Applying to dozens of different positions, going to interviews, receiving more rejection emails than you thought possible, and coming to a place where you’re willing to take anything if it means you’re somewhat in your desired career field.
Even if it means Kroger.
Then, one day you find a position that would be exciting, fun, and get your feet walking in the direction of your desired goals. It’s not exactly what you want, but it’s definitely a good start. The position is even at the same company you’re working for now, but in a different department! You know you’ll be considered for an interview and you’re excited about all the possibilities.
Then, as you’re applying, you begin realizing that it could also be a great job for your partner. They haven’t been looking for a new job, but they also don’t find joy in what they do. They would be so good at it and it would allow them to turn some of their hobbies into an actual career!
So you encourage them to apply. Thinking that it’ll be so much fun! May the best professional win and may there still be a marriage afterwards!
So you both apply and all is well.
Until they get an interview and you don’t.
Reality sets in…
As you can probably tell this is a real situation. A situation that Emily and I are currently maneuvering. Maneuvering quite carefully and gently I might add.
In this great disappointment, I’ve come to realize that when I promised to be with her and support her in everything, it really meant Everything. I no longer get to choose what I support her in and what I don’t support her in.
Her dreams become my dreams.
Her success, my success.
Sacrifice is the beginning of oneness.
When I wrote my wedding vows I based them on the concept in Matthew 31:44:
“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field”
This ideal is my reality. It’s what I based my marriage on.
I didn’t have much physically when I got married, but like everyone else I had the things that mattered: My mind & body, will & choices, soul & spirit, dreams & desires.
I knew that by choosing Emily I would be choosing her over all of these other things that mattered to me.
Now that doesn’t mean I totally give them up, of course. It just means I put her first before all of me.
When I found out she got the interview and I didn’t I had a really difficult moment…
Okay let’s be honest….I had a very difficult several days. A very difficult few weeks…
I thought “Come on God! I’ve been applying to jobs for over a year! To over 120 jobs and only got 7 interviews and she applied to ONE JOB and she gets an interview?!”
Then, after this steaming, I felt these questions inside of me. He asked me:
- Do you trust me?
- Do you love her?
Then I remembered, it’s not about me! This partnership is about her. A partnership like marriage should always be about the other person. If it begins to not be, then selfishness creeps in and it creates an imbalance that will only cause division.
I am the conduit from which God wants to bless my partner. By blessing and loving them first, I am blessing and loving myself.
This goes beyond marriage. Take a look at the Church.
One of the reasons there are so many problems in the Church is that people don’t put their brothers and sisters first. They put their offense, hurt, un-forgiveness, pride, theology, title, you name it, first.
When we learn to put those we love first we will then begin seeing a move of God so strong nothing can stop it.
For me, I’m starting with my best friend.
– Caleb F.
Update: I’m publishing this about two weeks after it was written because Emily and I wanted to be sure of the direction she may be going. She, unfortunately, did not get the position. However, Emily and I are both now taking a Sustainable Urban Agriculture Certification course with VSU and VT. We hope this continuation of our professional education will make us more competitive for future opportunities.